Clearly, I’ve fallen and hit my head and just don’t know that I’m concussed yet. How else to make sense of my even-tempered outlook on the upcoming presidency of Donald J. Trump?
Honestly, where did my old self go, other than just getting older? Why am I so bloody reasonable about this clown show coming back for a second kick at the can? I’m not American. I have no money. Why would I be giving the guy the benefit of the doubt when I never had any doubts about his absolute lack of fitness to hold the presidency in the first place?
It’s a strange spot I find myself in.
For the second day in a row, here I am crafting an article about how a Trump presidency may not be so bad, or at least not as bad as I would have had you believe only a few days ago.
And I’m serious about this, because the topics I’m going to mention are serious freaking things, things only the Americans can really solve, more specifically the American president.
Not long ago I would have worried about Trump selling out Ukraine in its war with Russia. I’d be very concerned with how cozy he appears to be with Vladimir Putin. I would have wondered how Taiwan might fare if Trump decided to hand it over to Xi Jinping without as much as making a peep. Would he just simply stand back and cheer Benjamin Netanyahu on as he pounds the living snot out of the Palestinians in Gaza and now Hezbollah in Lebanon? I would have been afraid about his stance on NATO, allowing Putin to do “whatever the hell he wants” with NATO members — especially Canada — not meeting the 2% GDP target.
I mean this is all stuff that’s supposed to happen before lunch on his first day. Imagine what his afternoon will look like.
First of all, I’d like to put that last notion, the “whatever the hell he wants” thing to bed, at least from a Canadian perspective. I don’t feel we need to necessarily get too fearful of Russian hordes coming over the pole to attack us. They’re too lost, too incompetent, and they tend to catch on fire a lot, so I say let ‘em come, it’ll be fun to watch. Plus, there’s no way the Americans are going to let anybody run over us who isn’t them, so there’s that too. So go about your day, Canada, we’re going to be safe, at least from the Russians.
I remember during his first term when he had that roller-coaster love affair with North Korea’s Kim Jung-Un, he of the North Korean mullet. At first they threatened one another, with North Korea raging about this and that and the other thing, and Trump just pretty much taunting Kim like a wind-up toy on Christmas Day. Remember Kim threatening to send the Americans into oblivion with his new nuclear missiles he claimed could reach the continental United States? And Trump responding with “He has a button on his desk. So do I. And mine’s bigger.” You never know what Trump is talking about when he says stuff like that, but I’m going to assume he was talking about a nuclear launch button, and not attempting to put himself in the same league as golfer Arnold Palmer when it comes to male appendages.
Then, like magic, they fell in love, exchanging “love letters”, as Trump called them. They met in Korea, Trump crossing into North Korea, and Kim stepping into South Korea. It was like a freaking Hallmark Christmas special, only filmed in the Far East. I don’t think they had sex or anything, but if they did, please God that there be no video. It would be too much.
Then, like magic again, they fell out of love — Hallmark never shows this — and next thing you know they’re right back to being enemies. They had that summit in Vietnam, where we got to see Kim’s motorcade for the first time, flanked by a bunch of guys in suits chugging along beside the car, the price you’ve got to pay to stay fed in North Korea, I guess. Say what you want about those “guards,” but they must be in wicked shape if nothing else.
What caused the change? Well, it seems Trump insisted that the North Koreans do more to scale back their nuclear ambitions other than the window dressing they offered up as concessions. Trump said the sanctions against the Hermit Kingdom will stay in place until the North got serious about disarmament. Kim freaked. Trump shrugged. They both went home, and there went another perfectly good romance shot to hell.
My point is that Trump did not cave to the dictator. He whispered sweet nothings in his ear, blushed at the sight of Kim and that groovy haircut of his, and pretty much fawned all over the little fellow with baggier pant than his. And then he told him to pound salt.
So why would it be such a surprise if Trump were to “play” the other dictators the way he played Kim? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I detest the man and the way his does his business, but what if it’s all just part of an elaborate schtick? I mean how the hell did he get this far — twice — without having some substance swirling around in there with the numerous filets of fish?
Ukrainian resident Volodomyr Zelenski came to America recently to meet with Joe Biden and senior members of the Senate and the House of Representatives. He also went to Mar-A-Largo to see Trump. I know, it’s just a smart thing to do, hedging your bets so-to-speak. But how the hell do we know what they talked about or how they view one another? Almost all of us believe Trump will sell-out Ukraine as a solid for his buddy Putin. But what if Putin is his buddy like Kim was his buddy?
Trump has promised to end the war in a single day. A horrifyingly simplistic thing to say, but do we really know what that might look like? Maybe Trump sets out the American position as this: Russia keeps either the Donbas or Crimea, but not both. Neither side will like this, but here’s the rub. If Ukraine says no, America will stop sending it weapons. If Russia says no, America will not only continue with weapons deliveries but will also give Ukraine the green light to use them in Russia. Either direction would be a near death-blow for the party pissing him off. I mean it could be that simple. We keep thinking Trump will cater to Putin, but maybe he’ll just dance with him the way he danced with Kim.
We all hear rumours of how Putin has damaging reputational evidence against Trump and can use that at will as leverage. Evidence of sexual depravity of some sort. But honestly, when has anything like that ever stopped Trump before? If Putin has video of Trump receiving “golden showers” from Russian prostitutes, Trump would find a way to sell copies to his die-hard supporters, the way he sells everything from bibles to baby soothers. As if such videos could ever harm his reputation. He’d revel in it, probably. Melania not so much.
Iran won’t like him, not one bit. He’s the one who pulled the Americans out of that nuclear agreement with Iran early in his last presidency. Also, he killed Qasem Soleimani, the prominent Iranian Revolutionary Guard general and national hero. The mullahs would be fearful of Trump going all-in and joining Israel in putting down Iran as a problem in the Middle East for good. That fear may well cause them to keep their heads down for a while to come. And maybe stop sending stuff to Russia.
And China? Trump loves Xi Jinping like he loves Kim Jung-Un. Showers the guy with praise at every opportunity. Yet he knows that China’s survival as a nation is dependent upon trade from the outside and, without the markets of the United States and its western allies, the resource-limited Chinese would have no markets for their huge manufacturing output. What if Trump shows his love by telling China to quit buying Russian oil and natural gas and quit providing component parts for Russian weapons. What then? Trump could offer the Chinese American oil and natural gas to make up the difference. And instead of Taiwan, maybe Trump floats the idea that China take back Outer Manchuria from the Russians instead, while America looks the other way. Sort of like his “do whatever the hell he wants” statement, only instead of Putin it’s Xi, and instead of NATO it’s Russia.
Maybe he tells the Indians to bugger off with their extra-national assassinations in foreign countries, like Canada and the United States. Maybe he tells them to stop buying Russian oil and gas as well, and if not, how maybe the United States might favour hated China in any conflict between the two, especially if China has already been brought onside.
Maybe he tells Israel they’ve got two months to wrap things up against Hamas and Hezbollah, and if they don’t, he stops weapons shipments, intelligence sharing, joint military planning, and joint air-defence of Israel? And he gets credit for bringing ‘peace” to the Middle East, the latest add-on chapter to his book “The Art of the Deal.”
So how are we to know? Trump says the strangest and most upsetting things, things that drive allies and friends crazy and somehow bring comfort to the nation’s enemies, at least on the surface. But what if it’s all just part of his on-going game of perpetual chaos? What if he really is on our side — okay, sorry, he’s on his own side — and is just gaming the opponents of freedom and democracy, only to pull the rug out from beneath them.
All I know for sure is that I know nothing. And that there is nothing about this man that is predictable.
So, for the first time ever, I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, I have no choice now, do I?
NEWSMAGRENFREW 