“If you make him unhappy, he responds unhappy.”
U.S Commerce Secretary Howard Lucknick isn’t just a bit of a jerk, he’s all-in.
He’s the guy who parrots his boss when he says it’s all our fault, as in Canada’s, that this whole tariff thing is happening with the United States.
As I age, I find it more and more difficult to analyze things like this, with people like this, without the use of heavy doses of truck-drivin’, horse-wranglin’ profanity. I have driven a truck, have never sat a horse, but I feel that I possess more fine cuss words than just about anyone this side of the Canadian Shield. And a lot of those outside words could be utilized to offer a fulsome description of a skid like Lucknick.
A poetry of the profane, if you will.
Doug Ford, Dominic LeBlanc, and Louis-Philippe Champagne went to Washington Thursday to meet with this guy, who made it sound like he “summoned” them to the meeting. In reality, the Americans are a little miffed at how we have the unmitigated gall to fight back, and like all bullies, they don’t like that and are starting to whine and blubber and make messes over their bibs.
They can throw punches, but they don’t know how to take one. Especially that biggest baby of them all, that caricature they elected president, to their historical and generational shame.
So we’re making Don-Dons unhappy?
Mr. Lucknick, what do you think the whole point of our counter-tariffs were all about, you pathetic moron?
But then again, I have to remind myself that the only reason this cretin got his job in the first place is that he passed the stink test with his boss, as in he stinks plenty, and therefore is perfect to work for Diaper Don.
Caricatures beget other caricatures. Disrespect begets disrespect. Just like tariffs beget other tariffs.
As to the assertion that we’ve been ripping off America to the tune of $200 billion a year in terms of a trade deficit, it would be beneficial to understand that if they, as in the Americans, were to stop buying our oil, that trade deficit would not only be wiped out, but it would go the other way, as in we’d have a multi-billion dollar trade deficit with them.
So Howard, all due respect, which is not much, here’s a viable solution: Stop buying our oil.
And since you can’t seem to see that, because you don’t want to see it, because you’re dishonest and disingenuous, maybe we can help you out of your mess by deciding not to sell you anymore of the stuff. As in cutting you off.
How do you like us now?
There. Solved. Now go shake another toy. Go bully Haiti. Go threaten Puerto Rico. Wait, you already own Puerto Rico? Go threaten it anyway, it’s not like anything you do has to make even the slightest amount of sense.
Howard? Get back in the backyard. And everyone else down there? Fix that freakin’ gate so he doesn’t get out again. And pass a muzzle law like we do to deal with our own crazy dogs that like to yap and bite.
And maybe jam a soother into the pie hole of that cartoon boss of yours. Get one of those dangly things to hang in front of his desk, those things that distract infants. Surely that would help with an infantile as well, wouldn’t it?
Howard? Are you still there?
If this was another time, I’d harness the huskies and mush my way down to Washington to meet this guy face to face. Once there, it wouldn’t be pretty. I’d tie him to a chair and make him listen to me talk, a type of verbal waterboarding. Anyone who has ever listened to me talk would immediately recognize the peril he’d be in.
But alas, with global warming and climate change, and a significant lack of huskies, that fantasy remains exactly that, a fantasy. Plus, all the snow is melting, so it would be sparks coming off the runners the whole way, and that’s no good.
Of all God’s creations, there’s never been a punch-in-the-face ever made that didn’t cry out for Howard. And he, himself, cries out in the night for one too.
In the spirit of Canadian generosity, I say we give him two.
NEWSMAGRENFREW 