The term “Elbow’s-Up” was made more popular by Canadian comedian Mike Myers as a response to the buffoonery being put forward by the American president, who more and more seems to be an exact representation of the American people at large.
But the Florida Panthers have made it their personal calling card, as they elbow their way through opponents without much in the way of intervention by the Department of Player Safety, also known as Look The Other Way Committee.
How many concussions will need to be meted out by the Panthers before the pointy-heads up at league headquarters make the appropriate connection?
I’m not a Leafs fan, I’m a hockey fan, and if the league and officials continue to do nothing about this kind of thing, from Florida in particular, then the only way to handle this business is to build your own team with flying elbows, and maybe go back in time to the 1970’s.
Do Florida players watch “Slapshot” on off days rather than game video?
Florida players don’t just routinely go into engagements with elbows up, they throw elbows at every point of contact. And we’ve seen the concussion list grow in front of our eyes, while the league says nothing, and the on-ice officials do nothing.
The officiating in this series has been some of the worst I’ve ever seen in a long life of hockey, and I lived through the seventies and eighties and that brand of the game.
Slash, slash, high-stick, slash, elbow, elbow, slash, elbow, then back off the ice at the end of your 50 second shift. Rinse and repeat for all four lines. That’s Florida hockey.
Do they carve a notch into their stick, or their jock cup, for every concussion or injury they inflict? Do they get salary bonuses for damage inflicted upon opposing players?
There’s no doubt that part of Florida’s game plan is to put pucks behind Toronto’s defence and then go hard at the defenders with murder in their minds. And sure, it’s a great way to wear down the other team, particularly their defence, when they’re expecting to take an elbow to the head every time they have to turn around and retrieve a puck. And the officials are useless, leaving you certain that you’re going to have your brain pan cranked and the league will do nothing about it.
But then 4’8” Tie Domi throws a hard look at a Forida player, and they drop to the ice like they were assassinated and writhe around in the most distasteful and pathetic display of duplicity I can image. And then Domi gets sent away.
These men are all one-third my age, but when I watch them on television, I want to fight them all.
I want to fight Sam Bennett, for two reasons. One is to beat the living fuck out of him, full stop, and I’ll bring that to Confession with me tomorrow. The other is to take him off the ice for five minutes, maybe ten, maybe more if he kills me right there on the ice. But he’ll be off the ice, so at least no concussions from his elbows for five minutes, plus he can’t score from the penalty box. And I guess there’s a bit of a third reason, and that’s the knowledge that Mr. Bennett will acquire more of the same treatment next time we meet, in the corner, in front of the net, or in line at McDonalds.
I want him to know that his bran pan might be compromised in the same manner that he and his mates employ with impunity.
Have you talken notice of the Florida “accidental’ elbow technique, where they go into contact with their arm moving forward so that the elbow delivers a “glancing”blow to the head, rather than the unseemly and more obvious straight elbow that’s much easier to call. That’s the move Bennett put on leaf goaltender Anthony Stolarz, in Game 1 mind you. Game 1 and they managed to concuss the starting goaltender before the series was thirty minutes old.
Sam Bennett and Aaron Eckblad are the two most egregious offenders, but the whole roster is guilty of it, with numerous Forida players engaging in, not just elbows, but flying elbows where they leave their feet. Witness Evan Rodrigues trying to take John Tavares’ head off, the same Tavares who was chased from the playoffs a couple years back by a concussion from a knee to the head. Sam Bennett on Matthew Knies a couple years back. Brandon Hagel of Tampa, just last series, was sent packing by Eckblad, who picked up a two-game suspension for his investment in the first round series by knocking out one of Tampa’s best players.
Ryan Reeves.
He should have been in the lineup Game 1. Is anyone in hockey going to tell me they didn’t foresee Florida playing to their character of being the dirtiest team in hockey right now? Really? Didn’t see that coming Craig? Especially a guy who played that way himself back in the Bad Ol’ Days? Really, Craig? Like, seriously, really?
It may be too late for Reeves because today is an elimination game, so it would be risky to send him out there. But saints alive, friends, Florida is committing felony after felony and there’s no sheriff in town to do anything about it.
Sorry for the use of American criminal justice terminology, but the Americans aren’t using their justice system anymore, outside of people of colour, so I thought I’d borrow some vocabulary before the dust settled on it.
If it were earlier in the series, my team would have Reeves dressed, and just stop and have a goddamned latté if you’re going to give me that whole “that’s not how you play the game” crap. Don’t tell me how to play the game, I already played it. And I had elbows too, and yes I used them, although I was more of a high-sticking kind of guy. But I only used those tools in survival mode, because at my size, I had guys coming to kill me all the time. Also as a team captain and leading scorer, the bad guys were sent out there to get me off the ice. So sometimes the good guys have to fight to keep their place on it. But I didn’t go flying around handing out elbows and high-sticks all the time. It’s not my style, unless that is, of course, you’re trying to kill me, at which point I’ll demonstrate that I can be every bit as good at getting my stick up and my gloves down if necessary.
So send Reeves out, the first shift one of these Florida head-hunters gets on the ice. Mission One his to staple him into the boards, cleanly yet firmly. Mission Two is to get him to retaliate, or have one of his head-hunter teammates retaliate. Mission Three is to drop the gloves and punch him into next Tuesday. Give the prick something to think about. Give him a reason to writhe on the ice. Give him a reason to be more careful moving forward. Let him know that there’s always somebody out there who is bigger, stronger, nastier, and uglier. Teach them a lesson in cause and effect, and the concept of consequences.
If all goes horribly wrong, Reeves gets suspended — doesn’t Toronto always get a guy suspended for retributive justice? Isn’t that a playoff thing? — and the team has a five-minute major. The Florida guy gets a five-minute major too, but he can’t think straight anymore. He may get a couple of games, maybe more, in a dark room where the onboard movies suck.
And Toronto gets the investment statement. Do this to our players and we’ll arrange to have it done to yours.
How dirty are the Florida Panthers?
When did you ever think you were going to talk about Florida and their cheap shots and not have the name Matthew Tkachuck come up?
Florida has depth in dirtiness. So much so, that one of the biggest snot-bags in the league doesn’t even rank for an honourable mention.
Somebody, some team, has to send this message to Florida and to the league. If you can’t handle what’s happening on the ice and enforce the rules, then we’ll just have to enforce our own set of rules ourselves.
Welcome back to the 1970’s you morons.
Oh, and elbows-up!
NEWSMAGRENFREW 