After sorting through the “carnage” of the last federal election results, Conservatives have been busy trying to figure out what exactly the hell happened.
The party won more seats, grabbed a bigger share of the popular vote, and made in-roads into areas and ridings where Tories once dared not walk.
Oh, and their leader lost his seat. Badly. No recounts needed in Carleton. The boss got bossed right out of town.
Not long ago, snagging over 40% in public opinion surveys and the popular vote would signal a Conservative majority government, something everyone, including myself, was predicting not long ago. And not just a simple majority, but a massive one. Yet even with all the gains the party posted, the Liberals got more of all of the above, in seats, vote share, and their leader actually winning his own riding, interestingly the riding next door to the Tory leader’s.
So yes, some soul-searching is in order. It’s like they threw everything that had at the Liberals, their hands closing around the throats of Les Rouges, yet the lefties managed to get up off the canvass and somehow land a knock-out blow.
It was like Foreman and Ali back in the seventies in a boxing match in Zimbabwe for the World Heavyweight title. For seven and a half rounds, Foreman pummelled Ali as the latter bobbed and weaved along the ropes, the famous rope-a-dope strategy. And then, out of nowhere in the eighth round, with Foreman tiring, Ali came off the ropes and, in a flurry of punches, sent Foreman to the canvas, a knockout. Ali was once again the champ, against all odds. He floated like a butterfly and then, when the time was right, stung like a bee.
Typical Muhammed Ali.
Mark Carney is no Muhammed Ali, and Pierre Poilievre is no George Foreman, although Poilievre does engage in the showmanship both those fighters liked to put out there. Nobody could do it like Ali. Not Foreman. Not Poilievre. Trudeau can fight, but he’s not in the ring anymore.
So part of the Conservative after-action report had to speak to the problem of a party that did better than they have in long while, yet being the same party that lost its leader. Actually, that’s not correct, because the Tories didn’t lose their leader, they just lost their leader as far as the House of Commons goes, because Pierre doesn’t have a seat. It’s like the Leafs without Austin Matthews in the lineup, only that analogy falls apart in the playoffs. Ask any Leaf fan.
Poilievre, of course will slide back into the House, since a member of his party from the safest seat in Canada for a Conservative, has offered to step aside to make room for the Sloganator, and I’m sure the folks out in Battle Creek-Crowfoot-Mosquito Junction will love him.
Except for one thing.
Many of the election debrief sessions have identified the obvious, that being that absolutely nobody likes Pierre Poilievre the person. Well maybe Jenni Byrne does, but old girlfriends don’t count. Plus, she’s another snotbag that came up in the sessions, as well as communications czar Sebastian Skamski, still the best last name in all of media and customer relations. It seems that the Conservatives have discovered, much to their amazement, that a lot of their rank-and-file were putting the blame on Polly, Burnsie, and The Skammer for the over-the-top negative tone they chose as the default look to put in front of the nation. It seems we’re not all susceptible to nifty little Doctor Seuss rhymes and the like after all. Like, who the hell knew?
Seems the people in Carleton did, because they “Spanked the Crank,” and elected a guy with the last name Lovejoy, and how in blazes is anyone going to compete with that? Also, I guess they were getting a little tired o the whole “Bait the Hate” routine Poilievre was dishing out. That and gushng over the convoy crowd that occupied their city and shit all over its inhabitants.
And so, part of the lesson taken away from the after-action sessions was the fact that Poilievre was going to have to grow up if the Conservatives were to, as they say, get over the top, and before they can, as they like to say, Bring it Home.
So that means that Poilievre, a kinder and gentler Poilievre, is the way forward, according to Tory insiders. I can’t wait to see how that will fly in the riding of Tattle Creek-Deer Antler, or whatever that riding in Alberta is called. Because if they’re the safest Conservative seat in the land, and if they’re proper Albertans, they’d prefer their politicians to be spitting nails and harassing women politicians while wearing their wife-beater t-shirts.
And that’s the old Pierre, not any new improved version.
A kinder, gentler Pierre Poilievre. To be completely honest and from the most objective corner of my heart, I don’t think the man has it in him. It’s like asking him to walk away from everything he’s been and developed into over the course of his forty-five years of angry and petulant existence.
Leopards and spots come to mind.
So Pierre is going to now start acting like a responsible adult. He’s going to sound more conciliatory rather than confrontational. Perhaps a tad more positive, and two tads less negative. Maybe he’ll start treating people and opponents with respect. Maybe he’ll be more respectful of the decorum that our system deserves, but that has been broken by people like him. Hell, mostly by him.
In short, Pierre Poilievre is going to go all “woke.” He’s going to carry on like some sort of Antifa-loving socialist.
The Red Hats out in Wild Rose Country are going to just love this.
Like hell they will. If he shows up in their riding of Rattle River-Tippewego Falls, they’ll have a stampede and strap him to the meanest bull they can find, before sending him home in a box right after he gets punted into a shit heap by a bull with the same sense as the majority of the Canadian electorate. In Alberta, that’s one lonely goddamned bull.
It’s the Alberta way. You know, self-proclaimed as God’s people. Close to the earth. Shoot as many buffalo as you can find. And bitch and complain and whine and bitch and whine. Then complain.
Poilievre may lose his seat again.
And if that happens, by God I’ll be watching for This Hour’s latest episode.
In fact, I’ll tape it.
NEWSMAGRENFREW 