Having a romantic affair can be nothing short of awesome. I say this only because from the outside looking in, given the numbers of people who seem to carry on with affairs, what other conclusion is available to the rest of us? Surely a past-time with so many merits, so many selling points, would be considered a legitimate way for one to spend their disposable time and money.
Unless you get caught.
Then I think it probably sucks big-time.
Getting caught and getting exposed is probably the worst thing that can happen, obviously, because where before you were moving heaven and earth to spend time with your latest squeeze, now you have a couple of divorce attorney’s driving the essentials of your life. And when it all clears, you’ll probably have a lot less time with your kids if you have any, and more than likely a lot less cash to spend time with as well.
Even the dog stops talking to you.
Obviously, nobody ever wrote a book about how to successfully have an affair, a real page-turner I’ll bet, perhaps even a best-seller, a regular “Have An Affair According To Hoyle” kind of publication that, by definition, half the married world would hate as soon as it’s presence was announced. Maybe we just need a special version of Sparks Notes to guide us through perilous waters.
Unless they’re a couple of bona fide stupids, most couples having an affair do what they can to disguise their intent and cover their tracks. That can make for an awkward rendezvous in a mall parking lot, or the lot of a big box store, or anywhere else they think they may be able to steal a moment or two of unparalleled happiness, that is of course with a side dish of guilt and paranoia.
But busted on a Jumbotron? Dude, that’s tough.
Andy Byron and Kristal Cabot got a taste of this phenomenon this past week while attending a Coldplay concert in Foxborough, Massachusetts. Byron was the CEO of a Cincinnati-based company called Astronomer. Cabot was his Chief People Officer, which I think is a new way to refer to somebody who works in HR, or human resources. I’d warrant that you’ll not find any wet eyes anywhere with news about how an HR type, the executioner-in-chief in many operations, got busted . And not just busted, but virally busted. On the Jumbotron for Pete’s sake!
It seems Coldplay has this thing during every concert where they play what they refer to as their Jumbotron Song, where lead singer Chris Martin has the concert cameras scan the crowd for couples that he will then sing a couple of lines to. You know, crowd engagement. Getting your fans in as part of the show, Rock stars reaching out to the common woman and man, and including them in the show.
This kind of thing happens in arenas just about anywhere, where people are highlighted on the Jumbotron, whether it be a Dance Cam, or a Kiss Cam, or whatever. Usually it’s a fun thing, even a funny thing. Unless you’re having an affair with your boss or senior lieutenant, in which case it probably and decidedly sucks.
I mean really, what are you supposed to do?
You travel from Cincinnati to Boston. You’re probably already checked into your luxury, yet secret, hotel. All your cover stories, and his/hers too, have been formulated, debated, formulated, and debated again. You’ve done everything. This is a tight ship.
And then you get busted by the goddamned Jumbotron.
Nowhere, anywhere, have I seen that these two people were in the middle of a naffairious (my word, just made it up) relationship. Perhaps that was unfairly assumed, and two names have been thrown out there, with consequences already meted out and likely more coming. Byron was placed on administrative leave, then lost his job entirely, or sort of, as he resigned his post on Saturday. I have no word on whether he handed his resignation to the Chief People Officer, or if there is another one of those coming down the pipeline as well.
Poor Andy and Kristal. Nobody asked that stupid camera to snag them. Nobody asked for their images to be popped up on a screen in front of tens of thousands of people, people with smartphones, smartphones with cameras.
In fact, when their image made it to the big screen, the couple froze, although they were in an embrace just prior. It was their awkwardness that may have been their un-doing.
On stage, Martin took note of the couple’s reaction and their reticence at being the centre of attention all of a sudden.
“Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.”
Ouch. Thanks Chris.
It was noteworthy enough that many people in attendance captured it on their phones, and then did exactly what you’re supposed to do, and that is to blast the content up to your social media accounts. And that’s where the internet’s robust number of investigative sleuths reside, the kind of people who like to put names to faces, and if all goes well, maybe wreck somebody’s life.
That made it sound like I was cheering for Andy and Kristin as they had an affair, if that’s what was actually going on. And that I was angry at the internet types who outed them. In response to the first, no, I’m not cheering for anyone to be having an affair because, well, affairs hurt people, and a lot of times those people are innocents, like children, not to mention any jilted spouses or partners. It’s a messy business.
That said, I’m going to be less happy about somebody who defines themselves by pouring over stuff on the internet just so they can drop bombs on people and shatter their lives. So, if I had to choose, I’ll have to admit to feeling less hostility towards Andy and Kristin than I do for the loser sitting in his parent’s basement in his underwear and surrounded by potato chip bags and cans of Monster drinks.
Human relationships are complicated, complex, and fluid. And like anything else, they can fall apart under pressure. People change over time, and they change over circumstances, and what looked to be obvious back in 2008 might look less so today. I’m not sure — because there’s no book to tell me — how many people have affairs so as to be able to hurt someone else. Yes, they most definitely hurt, especially when they’re found out. But in all but the most rarest of cases, I don’t think the hurt was premeditated or the reason for the affair in the first place.
Contrast that with the idiot in the basement. He has a single goal, and it’s to cause pain, pain for the sake of gratification. His job is to bring people down to size, his size. Because if you sweep around the garbage and the refuse, you’ll find a human who knows that he’s a loser, and rather than take any positive steps for himself, he’d rather cut people down, likely using a computer bought by his mom or dad.
What probably did-in Andy and Kristin more than anything else is the always encroaching reality of AI, or Artificial Intelligence. Because AI can match photos on the internet in a lickety-split fashion, there being no need for basement losers to pour over pictures for comparison purposes.
The AI does the work. The loser does the harm.
Concert venues post that cameras are at work in the venue. A lot of bands have cameras activated so that they can snag B-Roll for music videos and the like. So if you’re going to a concert, a ball game, a hockey game, or any other big-time venue event, you need to be aware that those cameras are there, recording away, and they don’t care who they catch.
This is all fine for most of us, those of us who aren’t wanted criminals, or have a BOLO — Be On The Lookout — on their heads. Most of us aren’t illegal aliens, or semi-legal aliens mere footsteps away from arrest by faceless ICE agents — Immigration and Customs Enforcement — nor are we terrorists with evil designs.
But it can all suck big time if you’re having an affair.
One person, in a YouTube comment, said:
“Coldplay hasn’t made a single in years. Then, in one night, they make two.”
NEWSMAGRENFREW 