READING THE ROOM

It’s been suggested that I learn to read the room better.

Which is a little like saying that I should get in step with whatever happens to be the flavour of the day.  I should go where the crowd goes.  Be part of the gang, and not some loser.

How appealing that sounds, to finally not be a loser.  To run with the posse, to fit in, to be part of the collective of agreement.  To, for what may even seem to be the very first time, actually belong.

Pretty heady stuff.

But it sort of brings up a bit of a question for me.  

What if I have read the room, only I don’t like what the room is saying, or where it’s going, or how it’s going about whatever it’s saying?  Like, what do I do then?

The education system spent thousands of dollars on me to be a critical thinker.  Am I to simply walk away from that and waste all those taxpayer dollars?  Your taxpayer dollars?

Maybe you think the education system is a left-wing indoctrination hothouse.  My question here would be, okay, fine, but how do you even know what a “left-wing indoctrination hothouse is?”  Who were you listening to when you weren’t listening to your teachers?  And who do you listen to now?

I’m not trying to come across as someone who thinks they’re smarter than everyone else, or anyone else.  The truth is far from that.  But I do have this thing, call it what you might, that sort of acts like a filter for incoming information.

I have a value system that’s fully mine  Nobody told me how to feel about things, because if that were the case, I’d be right in the pack like everyone else.  I mean, who the hell wants to stick out for what’s perceived as the wrong reasons, right?  In my case, that value system will often put me squarely on the “wrong” side of many issues, which means I have to choose between the group or feeling good, or consistent, about myself.  And for better or worse, I almost always choose the second one, and actually think I go that way every single time.  I’m not saying I can’t be wrong, only attempting to articulate what goes behind my choices.

There can be plenty of great seats over here on this side of the bus, not because I’m alone necessarily, but because many choose not to take the bus at all, preferring to remain quiet and keep their heads down as a means of self-preservation.  The crowd in the “room” doesn’t really like people who deviate from the room’s position, because it makes them feel uncomfortable on a psychological level, something you don’t have to be brilliant to experience.  If there’s an outlier, an outsider, a somebody going against the grain, then that means there’s a possibility that the crowd, and its individual members, might be wrong.

And that’s uncomfortable.  And therefore unacceptable.

The crowd can intensely dislike the “other,” the one that’s different.  The non-conformist.  The idiot that has to go stand off all by himself, or herself, or themselves, in direct visible contrast to the group, and by extension you, and by that I mean us.  Such people are perceived as a threat to the group, and so there’s this inherent justification in demeaning these others, and any tactic utilized is more than fair game.  Here in small-town Ontario, the seemingly preferred method of communication is hurling comments outside your car window as you drive safely by.

Yell at them, curse at them, ignore them, threaten them, beat them up, do what you will, but these threats, these non-conformists, must be eliminated before others in the group begin to question their own membership.

It’s a son-of-a-bitch-of-thing, let me tell you.

Have you ever been to the Renfrew community Facebook page, What’s Up Renfrew?  That’s a room, a room that can be read.

I can’t post to that page because it’s been deemed that I’m too political — the criticism they level at you when you challenge their thinking and behaviour — and secondly because I have the word “news” as part of my name, which for Facebook is anathema because that company is pissed at the federal government for legislation that holds Facebook accountable for stealing the work of Canadian journalists.

Yet, routinely, posts are made and freely commented upon that are racist, borderline racist, or homophobic in nature, and none of that goes challenged by Facebook itself or the several thousand members of that “community” page.  So it’s absolutely okay to kick the shit out of the guy over at the sub shop, or pile-on to that shit-kicking in the comments, yet any commentary regarding incompetence or skulduggery that results in the loss of millions of tax dollars is viewed as political.

Is that a room that’s difficult to read?  Am I somehow missing something in the reading of that?

I see the names, the owners of the profiles commenting on this stuff.  I know some of them, many others are familiar by sight.  Am I supposed to be whipped into shape by that familiarity?  If so-and-so is thinking this way, I should too?  Is that what’s meant by reading the room successfully?

I’m a pretty good reader, at least I like to think.  I read a lot of stuff.  Some good, some not-so-good.  I feel I can differentiate between the two most times.  I can’t possibly be alone in this.  So when I pick up something and start to read it, only to find that it’s not my thing, whether in presentation, style, point of view, or veracity, am I not allowed to put it down and pick something else up?  Do I have to embrace it because it happens to top the “most read” list?  Is that what “reading the room” means?  Accepting the popularity of a certain viewpoint that may be at odds with my legitimate thinking and legitimate value system?

I’m not an evangelist.  I’m not here to win anyone over to my cause, because I have no cause other than basic respect for others, no matter their point of origin, whether domestically or outside our national borders.  And to me, that shouldn’t be a cause in the first place, it’s just something that should be.  I’ve learned, of course, that inn practice, it’s not that simple.

How many people in that church of yours on Sunday fail to follow this basic principle?  How many of those folks in the front row nodding their heads during the homily are actually the scions of virtue and love and understanding?  How many of them truly live their faith?  Or have they pretzelized their faith to mean what they want it to mean?  Taking the words of Jesus and twisting it in their heads so that it means something that holds them and their way of thinking in a better light?

I’m sorry if that offends, but that’s a legitimate point.  If you haven’t seen this, you haven’t been looking.

I’ve be a Christian longer than most people.  Not a perfect one, mind you, but one nevertheless.  I know when my deeds don’t measure up to my words, and I reflect on that, rather than trying to find ways to bend my faith to justify those deeds.  Born and raised Catholic, I think I’m mature enough to know that going to Confession is not a free hall pass, a convenience that washes my sins away in purity, providing an opportunity to go out and sin again knowing that I’ll be forgiven.  To me, that’s an abuse of faith.  Sorry, but it is.  Just because we are “sinners” can’t be used as an excuse to go out and sin.  And I also don’t see any Apple Store line-ups to get into confessionals either.  When church becomes a show, becomes the room to be read, then we’ve lost sight somewhat of what faith is supposed to mean.  Again sorry.  If it means anything, it’s not the church, it’s the people.  It’s not the room, but the people.  Not all of them, perhaps not most of them, but enough of them nevertheless.  

Same for your Facebook groups, community groups, and popular groups.

Somebody telling me I need to read the room better is just articulating a poor and intellectually shallow response to what I’m talking about.  What they’re really saying is shut-up, get with it, be on the “right” side of things — their side — and fall into the thinking of the group.  Sometimes, that can be accompanied with a subtle, or implied caution.

I’ve reached a point where there is no outside force or entity or person that has leverage over me, like a job, or a marriage, or a friendship.  I can say what I want, do what I want, go where I want, when I want, how I want and why I want.  While not perfect, of course, I’m not by any means a bad or threatening individual.  I care for others outside of myself, and am willing to support things that actually put me at a disadvantage if they’re in the best interests of other groups.  I can and do think outside myself as often as not.

I’m not better than anyone else.  If I was, then all of us would be in trouble.  I’m just some guy, and there it is.  Nothing to see here.

But I feel I can read a room pretty fairly.  I’ve made a life of reading rooms.  Such readings don’t automatically trigger acceptance of what the room is about, its plot, its characters, its storylines, or its authors.  Any or all of those things may not be to my taste.

If I pick up what I think is a bad book, I can put it down again if I want.  And so can you.

I feel I know how to read.  It may well be the book that has the problem.

COVER PHOTO: Photo by Wan San Yip on Unsplash